Eric Idle gets his tongue around the Penis Song (Not the Noel Coward Song)

Whiling the time away on this rather dull and rainy Sunday evening... ahead of the announcing of the EU election results tonight, browsing round my Facebook, I came across this gem posted by one of my friends there. Since I haven't posted many 'Funnies' lately I thought I would share it with you here!

The 'Penis Song' (Not the Noel Coward Song) is a song originally from the Monty Python film The Meaning of Life and released on the album Monty Python Sings.

In the film, it is sung by Eric Idle at a piano in the persona of a Noël Coward-style lounge singer, hence the sub-title of the song 'Not the Noel Coward Song.'

Beginning by addressing his audience, the singer says:

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean!"

This initial innuendo is the opening gambit to the series of euphemisms that follow... alluding to male genitalia. The overall message of the song appears to be summed up in its opening line:

"Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?"

Naturally, I'm thinking it is... it is!! Ha ha!

Here's the video - Hope you enjoy it!



More info at 'Penis Song' (Not the Noel Coward Song) - information from Wikipedia

Wishing Susan Boyle well...

I'm sad to hear the news that Susan Boyle has been admitted to The Priory clinic amid fears over her health following Britain's Got Talent Final on Saturday.

Britain's Got Talent runner-up Susan Boyle has been taken to the Priory clinic after the Saturday night TV show final left her 'exhausted and emotionally drained'.

'She has been seen by her private GP who supports her decision to take a few days out for rest and recovery,' said a statement from programme-makers Talkback Thames.

In my blogging about her.... I've always thought she's a bit of an 'oddball'. The mind is a very fragile thing... and the line between being doolally and 'normal' is very fine... and in any case... what IS normal? Remember the Jack Nicholson film 'One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest'? That film said it all!

The turn of events during the last day or so are sad for Susan but she's in the right place and I hope they give her the care she needs and help pull her back on track after the huge pressure and change in her life recently.

I wish her well and hope for a speedy recovery!

You can watch the video of her great performance on BGT Final on Saturday here. Can't post it here as 'embedding' has been disabled by YouTube for some reason.

Hoax Slayer 'proves' Gibraltar Airport runway exists!

An article on Hoax Slayer today, focuses on an email going the rounds, showing photographs of Gibraltar's Airport Runway and questions the veracity of these photographs.

Hoax Slayer is a site I use regularly. It is renowned for debunking email hoaxes and exposing Internet scams. Articles normally give a summary of the subject, then proceeds to either prove it is a hoax and debunk it, or as in the case of Gibraltar's airport runway, shows evidence that proves the original premise in the article summary is true.

In its findings, Hoax Slayer concludes:

According to this 'email forward', the attached photographs depict the runway at Gibraltar Airport - a very unusual runway in that it is traversed by a busy road. The photographs show that traffic on the road crossing the runway is controlled by traffic lights and boom gates thereby allowing aircraft to land unhindered.

Although, such a runway configuration is certainly unusual, the photographs are genuine and do depict the Gibraltar AIrport runway.

As a born and bred Gibraltarian who has walked and driven across the runway thousands of times, flown in and out of it more times than some have had hot breakfasts... now and then in very 'hairy' weather conditions... and been stopped at the barriers on more occasions than I care to recall, I'm wondering... what's all the fuss!!

The article goes on to comment on the fact that these arrangements are currently being changed with the reconstruction of the airport terminal following plans unveiled by the Government of Gibraltar, in May 2007, which will include a new tunnel that will eventually carry the road under the airport runway.

The report also carries the following YouTube video of the road crossing Gibraltar Airport's runway and of a flight taking off:



As you can see, the video firstly shows a British Airways airbus flight taking off, then the arrival of the daily Spanish airline Iberia flight from Madrid landing, with the road crossing barriers down as it stops the road traffic and pedestrians for both flights.

The viewer is then taken on a flight take-off (actual airline not seen but my guess is it's probably BA) in a Westerly direction and shows some nice views of one of the Marinas, the Rock of Gibraltar itself and the Bay of Gibraltar. As the flight circles around the Rock firstly going South over the Strait of Gibraltar (with some views of Jebel Musa and the Atlas Mountains of Morocco in the distance), it then banks left to head East over the very western limits of the Mediterranean Sea towards Malaga and the Costa del Sol, on it's way for the couple of hours flight over Spain, the Bay of Biscay, France and final destination in the UK, either Luton, Gatwick or might even have been a Manchester flight.

Susan Boyle not quite 'on the mark' on Britain's Got Talent semi final

Last night on Britain's Got Talent (BGT), my fears for Susan Boyle, which have arisen over the last couple of weeks, following her spectacular performance on her stunning BGT debut, were sadly realised!

Two weeks ago, Susan stunned the world with her rendition of I Dreamed A Dream from the musical Les Miserables. She was simply fantastic... and the whole world agreed.

Since then, she has appeared on 'Larry King Live', on 'the Oprah Show'... and over 100 million people across the world have watched her videos on YouTube.

I don't know about you, but during the last two weeks, I have felt the expectations building up in a way that must have put huge pressure on her. As Simon Cowell says on the video below:

"The whole world is watching Susan Boyle perform tonight. I wouldn't want to be standing where she is right now!"

Well, in the event, sadly, last night... that pressure showed!

In the BGT semi-final last night, Susan Boyle was clearly very nervous. Right from the first note of 'Memory', the 'Cats musical classic', Susan's voice cracked and she missed the note. Her breathing seemed to me laboured... and she knew it. You can see her in the video... clutching her tummy following that note. As a result, the combination of the pressure on her and the knowledge that she had missed that important first note also affected her timing... and it all came close to falling apart for her.

To her credit.... she kept on and she did manage to pick herself up about halfway through the song... but again at the end... I'm afraid she had difficulty maintaining that very difficult high note... her voice quavering badly!

What do you think? If you missed her performance last night, you can judge for yourself. Here's Susan Boyle singing 'Memory', from the classic musical 'Cats' on Britain's Got Talent semi-final last night:



On her debut, there is no question Susan 'nailed' 'I Dreamed A Dream'. Last night... she didn't 'nail' 'Memory', arguably, a much more difficult song. The nerves and the pressure... sadly beat her!

Nevertheless, it was still a 'goodish' performance, and there's no doubting her obvious talent... she has a remarkable voice and can sing... no question about that! She also has a capturing personality... if slightly 'oddball'!

If she's going to win this year's BGT, Susan needs to get hold of herself, calm down and dominate her totally understandable nerves. She'll need to show us her 'real stuff' next time round... and once more 'nail' whatever song she chooses. She will also need to be careful with that choice!

I like her a lot. I love the joy she clearly feels when she sings for us. It's an intrinsic part of the charm we all recognise in her. I also like her personality with that hip swivelling stuff when she's excited... though some disagree. One comment I saw says "it was cute once... maybe... but it's time to move on". Trouble is... it wouldn't be her then would it? I like her as she is, that's part of her 'oddball' charm... and her 'man of the moment'... Piers Morgan, thinks so too!

Here's a funny excerpt of the goings on backstage last night from Piers Morgan's blog:

"I'm also never going to forget what happened to me at 10:32pm last night.

Because that was the moment when Susan Boyle ran down a flight of stairs at the Fountain Studios in Wembley, North London, flung herself into my arms, and planted a five-second 'smacker' right bang on my lips!

It wasn't entirely unexpected.

A few minutes earlier, Susan had declared her feelings towards me in a rather more public way by dancing a little jig of joy on stage after winning last night's first Britain's Got Talent semi-final, and shouting: 'THIS IS FOR YOU, PIERSY BABY!'

But that was positively restrained compared to what happened backstage.

To say Susan was pleased at getting through to the final is probably the understatement of the century. You have to remember that until a month ago nobody had ever heard of her, but now she is the most downloaded, and talked about, woman on the planet. The pressure that comes with all that attention is absolutely huge, and I could tell she was incredibly nervous when I spotted her standing on her own in a corner backstage before the show started.

Then she came out and missed her very first note on Memory, and I think everyone watching feared it had finally got to her.

But Susan quickly recovered, got into her stride, and ended up delivering an absolutely stunning version of the Cats musical classic that brought house down, and thrilled the world all over again just as she did in her original audition.

If you thought she looked thrilled on stage, you should have seen her off it. She was absolutely exploding with excitement, relief and pure, unrestrained joy.

'You did it!' I said to her, as I spied her heading up the stairs near the judges' dressing room area.

'Oh Piersy!' she shouted, then skipped down the stairs, jumped on me and kissed me full on the lips for quite some time.

'I've been kissed now!' she laughed, then she danced another jig, and ran off again.

I'll be dining out on that for the rest of my life!

If you agree with my comment and thought Susan Boyle looked nervous when she stepped on stage to sing Memory, you'd be right. That's because during rehearsals, Susan nearly fell over as she walked toward her microphone, on the stage.

More evidence of her obvious nerves can be found on Susan's BGT blog, when she said, "I got a bit of shock during rehearsals... I nearly fell flat on my face"!

Following this close call, to keep accidents at bay, the soles of Susan's shoes were apparently scored so they gripped better and Susan breathed a sigh of relief when she made it across the stage.

The Lothian lady enjoyed her time backstage preparing... although the pampering made her a little perplexed.

She told us, "Every few minutes, someone comes up to me and asks me to back to make-up".

"I've been in there three times already - but I keep going back again.

It's all going to be very thick by the time we get to show time.

It's a job that's never finished... like painting the Forth Bridge!"

Well... one thing those horrid people can't make any more stupid comments about are her eyebrows. (as they have done). These have clearly been worked on... and she looked very good and still very much herself. As I say, she does have an 'oddball' sense of humour and capturing personality.

I very much hope she does a little better for the Britain's Got Talent Final... and hope she wins... but lots to do... and she hasn't got this in the bag... yet!

Juan Luis Guerra and memories of great coffee and friends

Many years ago I was introduced to the wonderful music of Juan Luis Guerra by a dear friend from the Dominican Republic, who I had the good fortune to meet and work with at Victor Chandler International, a firm of offshore bookies (or sportsbook to our American cousins) in Gibraltar during my time there in the late 90's.

Juan Luis Guerra-Seijas (born June 7, 1957) is a Dominican singer, songwriter and self-producer who has sold over 20 million records worldwide and has won numerous awards, including eleven Grammy and Latin Grammy Awards, and two Latin Billboard Music Awards. He won 5 Latin Grammy awards in 2007 in the same night which ties him with Juanes to hold the record for most Latin Grammys won in one night. He was born in Santo Domingo and is the son of Olga Seijas and Gilberto Guerra, a basketball player.

He is one of the most internationally recognized Dominican artists in decades. His pop style of merengue and bolero and Afro-pop/Latin fusion have garnered him considerable success outside the Dominican Republic.

Juan Luis Guerra is sometimes associated with the popular Dominican music called bachata and while this association is partially true, he actually uses the basics of Bachata rhythm with a more bolero feel to the melodies in some of his songs.

He does not limit himself to one style of music, instead, he incorporates diverse rhythms like merengue, bolero-bachata, balada, salsa, rock and roll and gospel.

'Ojalá Que Llueva Café' ('If only it would rain coffee') is one of his most critically acclaimed self-written and composed pieces and one of my all time favourites... and I don't mean just from Juan Luis... I mean... of all the music I've ever had the pleasure to enjoy!

A remix of 'La llave de mi corazón' ('The key of my heart') with Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas is also an example of his fusing of different genres.

Here's a great YouTube video of my 'all time' favourite song, 'Ojalá Que Llueva Café'. Watch out for the kids chorus near the end... it always near brings a tear to my eye!



The song brings back many great memories of my friendship with Pedro (on the right in the pic - me on left) and his lovely wife Milady (pronounced Mi-lad-i) when they used to take pity on me and feed me loads of great food, fantastic Dominican Rep coffee (El Presidente) and wines, beers and Ron Barcelo, a rum from the Dominican Republic... not necessarily in that order, while we listened and danced (not with Pedro but not something unknown! ) to Juan Luis and lots of other music from their part of the world. Halcyon days!

Juan Luis Guerra @ Amazon

His latest album:



If you liked that... and want some more, here's a great playlist for Juan Luis Guerra @ YouTube

Search for more music from Juan Luis Guerra @ Amazon.co.uk

Parky sets record straight about Jade Goody comments

Veteran broadcaster Sir Michael Parkinson, in an article and video for the Daily Telegraph, says his comments made about Big Brother star Jade Goody in the Radio Times just after she died were directed against the society and the television show that created her rather than the star herself.



Sir Michael's setting the record straight' follows his attack on Jade Goody mourners last week, when he claimed the death of Jade Goody, the reality TV star's death, was exploited by people who 'pretended to be sad.

Neil Sedaka's 'Going Nowhere'... a song for our time perhaps

Not that I want to bring a depressive note to your Sunday!

Lord knows there is enough to thoroughly depress us out there in our news media today... what with MPs reducing the 'mother of parliaments' to morally defunct disrepute, continuing conflicts across the world, concerns over climate change and how best to deal with it... the hysteria about swine flu... thankfully now calming down to more sensible proportions!

But... that's the news... and I guess it's 'business as usual'. Not too many positive stories are ever published and they're rarely 'breaking news'.

But... taking all this into account, it did strike me today, that Neil Sedaka's wonderful song... 'Going Nowhere' IS a song for our time.

My thoughts turned to this song last night, when a friend on Facebook posted a video (as we do) of 'Laughter in the Rain', which was a hit from the album of the same name for Neil Sedaka back in 1974. I bought this album at the time and Sedaka has always been a favourite ever since. That album was packed full of some wonderful songs from this (to my mind) highly underrated composer.

One of the best songs, at least for me, in the album was 'Going Nowhere', a powerful song full of paradoxes. A mixture of despair, with some very depressive sentiments... and, curiously, at the same time, full of hope!

The song always brings a tear to my eye! Have a listen and see what you think:



Powerful... thought provoking stuff eh?

In case you missed anything, here's the lyrics:

'Going Nowhere' Lyrics

Considering...
So many folks, dissatisfied with everything,
Who need someone to understand they're lonely, they're lonely,
And they're not alone.

And everywhere
They shrug their shoulders, tell themselves that they don't care,
And all the while they make believe they're happy, oh they're happy,
But not really.

And they're asked to hold the world together,
Make it happen, give it children,
Who in turn are turning on to going nowhere.

And all the strength they'd ever need to help them
Has been wasted, remains hidden,
In the confusion of going nowhere.

And who am I...
To criticize the world that I have grown up in.
Most of you would tell me that I'm crazy, yes I'm crazy,
I can't help it.

I understand
That where you are is where you've been so many years,
And things that tend to change you, tend to hurt you, yes they hurt you,
Very deeply.

And still you try to hold the world together,
Make it happen, give it children
Who in turn are turning on to going nowhere.

And all the strength they'd ever need to help them
Has been wasted, remains hidden,
In the confusion of going nowhere,
Going nowhere,
Going, going, going nowhere,
Going nowhere.

Other versions

Whilst for me... this song will always be Sedaka's own (well he did write it and sings it rather well), another version which I really like, strangely, is the Lena Zavaroni version.

Lena Zavaroni was a Scottish child singer and a television show host... and a bit of a sensation in the mid 70's following an appearance on Hughie Green’s Opportunity Knocks.... much like Susan Boyle on 'Britain's Got Talent' recently.

With her album 'Mama! He's Making Eyes At Me' at ten years of age, she is the youngest person in history to have an album in UK album chart top ten.

Later in life she hosted tv shows and appeared on stage, often with Bonnie Langford. Sadly, Lena died at the age of 35 after a long battle with anorexia nervosa.

Here's Lena in 1981, aged only 18 years old singing 'Going Nowhere' live. A very powerful performance... and one that, in the light of what was to take her from us so soon... is all the stronger for it. Very sad!



Related Links

More information on Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

Neil Sedaka

Lena Zavaroni

'Moody' encouragement for Brown... to Go Now!

Following my post last night telling Gordon Brown... For God's sake go... I thought I would give him a little 'moody' encouragement...



In just a little over 24 hours, the petition has reached 6,916 (as I write). Come Monday morning... when people start emailing it around offices, this figure will soon spiral into the tens of thousands!

If you haven't yet voted on the Downing Street online petition asking Brown to resign... here's your chance to ask him to go... NOW!

I take my hat off to... Frank Lampard... for standing up for himself!

The Chelsea and England midfielder Frank Lampard angrily phoned a London Radio station to round on a DJ who said he was "scum" for splitting up with the mother of his two children!

Lampard said the LBC 97.3 DJ James O'Brien was an "idiot" for upsetting his family on the first anniversary of his mother's death.

He also rejected suggestions that he'd treated his former partner badly since they split.... and I take my hat off to him for having the courage to stand up for himself in the face of this type of unacceptable intrusion by broadcasters into a footballer's private life!

I'm no Chelsea supporter... but I've long been an admirer of Frank Lampard... an exceptional footballer, a great role model and example to all... of a consumate professional.

Like Ballack, his playing colleague at Chelsea, I can't believe Lampard missed the shortlist for the Professional Footballers' Association's player of the year award.

Lampard has played a key role in Chelsea's recent run of only one defeat in their last 13 matches.

He set up both goals as Chelsea beat Arsenal at Wembley on Saturday to reach the FA Cup final, and put in an inspirational performance in last week's dramatic 4-4 draw with Liverpool that saw Chelsea progress to the Champions League semi-finals.

Ballack, who plays alongside Lampard and Michael Essien in Chelsea's midfield, remains adamant the England international should have made the final six.

"It is easy to play with Frank because he is such a good player," Ballack explained.

"He knows what myself and Michael have to do and whether we should be in an offensive or defensive position.

I play a little bit behind him but I don't have to tell him what to do. He always does the right thing, depending on where myself and Essien are.

Frank is one of the best players in the world for sure and I don't think there are many players in the Premier League like him."

I couldn't agree more... and I take my hat off to him... Good on yer Frankie!

You can hear Lampard's phone call to LBC here:

Scottish newspaper reveals Susan Boyle's first ever recording

I'm still completely bowled over by Susan Boyle... and today even more so!

I just came across this 'exclusive' from the Scottish Daily Record revealing Susan's first ever recording, made back in 1999, when she sang that famous old blues ballad 'Cry Me A River' for a charity CD... and as you can hear... it's quite simply... brilliant!



Quite remarkable! I don't honestly think I've ever heard this song sang better... ever!

Only 1000 copies of the disc were ever produced, but as you can see, the Daily Record got hold of this long-forgotten recording and it’s now on YouTube.

A showbiz insider said: “This is a real coup for the Record. The whole world would have wanted to find this.

“People will be scrambling to get their hands on this CD. They will be like gold dust soon.”

It's already all over eBay... with loads of obvious recordings of this bit of audio on this video... available for only 99p... to the full CD currently being bid for at £280... clearly this is going to become a collector's piece... oh and there are hundreds of 'I love Susan Boyle' t-shirts too!!

What a phenomenon Susan Boyle is. 'Overnight sensation' doesn't begin to describe the sensation Susan has become... worldwide... in just a week. By this weekend, clips of her singing on Britain's Got Talent had notched up almost 50 million views on YouTube!

I think the explanation is in this article on the BBC's Entertainment page 'How Susan Boyle won over the world'. Here, Lisa Schwarzbaum, a writer for US celebrity magazine Entertainment Weekly said "the performance was a powerful reality check". She wrote:

"In our pop-minded culture so slavishly obsessed with packaging - the right face, the right clothes, the right attitudes, the right Facebook posts - the unpackaged artistic power of the unstyled, un-hip, un-kissed Ms Boyle let me feel, for the duration of one blazing showstopping ballad, the meaning of human grace.

She pierced my defences. She reordered the measure of beauty. And I had no idea until tears sprang how desperately I need that corrective."

Yep... I think she's hit the nail on the head. That is precisely what is going on here!

Ms Schwarzbaum's post was followed by comments from scores of readers (they're still posting today) saying they watched the clip repeatedly, with the same emotional response... in fact, if you read my original post... you'll see my reaction was also pretty much the same:

"Susan Boyle creates one of those moments... when the hair on the back of your neck tingles... and for no apparent reason... one stupidly feels like crying.... well those of us who have a heart that is!"

Twitter... the real world or a world for twits

I've been using Twitter for a while now. I started using it because I thought it would be a good way to let people know about my blog posts... get them noticed by as wide an audience as possible.

Having used it for a couple of months... I'm not that convinced of it's effectiveness to get one's message across. In fact, I'm beginning to wonder what all the fuss is about.

Here's how Twitter would like us to think about them:



So... Twitter 'rocks' eh? Hmmm...

Here's another view... the "twouble with Twitter"... as seen on Current.com:



Ha ha... that's a great video, very funny and well produced and one that I think hits the nail on the head... definitely about Twitter's superficiality!

I'm tending to be more inclined to this latter view. The 'twouble' with Twitter is... that one gets completely overwhelmed by the amount of 'Tweets'. The message... if ever there is one... tends to get lost in the morass of, often banal comment or completely uninteresting or unrelated 'news' that some sources spout off with at an amazing rate!

While Twitter can be fun, on a very superficial level and while it can be a way (a simple minded sort of way) to keep in touch with friends, family, etc., even receiving updates directly from (interesting?) sources as varied as No 10 Downing Street to Google Blogs or Stephen Fry... personally, I'm afraid I don't find it exactly 'rocks' for me.

I'm happy to continue to ride this trend though... till it fizzles out... as these things tend to do... and just dip in from time to time... but I won't take it too seriously... and it certainly isn't a good marketing tool... it's not a particularly effective way of getting one's message across!

You can of course, always follow me on Twitter... and make your own judgement!

I take my hat off to... Marina the Very Sexy Russian 'Wordsmith'

If you're male and you haven't come across Marina, the very sexy Russian 'Wordsmith' before... then I can assure you you're going to enjoy this!

Marina Orlova is her full name... and she proves intelligence is sexy!

Marina is a YouTube celebrity and the lady behind (or is it in the forefront) of HotForWords, a site (apparently) dedicated to teaching students across the globe about the intricacies of language.... at least that's what the supposed basis is!!

As a way of introducing her to you (it's the best I can do I'm afraid)... here's one of my favourite recent videos of her, showing Marina teaching us... a 'Cure for Hiccups':



Apparently, Marina's love for words began because she wanted to learn English. "In Russia the best way to do that is to study philology, which gets into the origins of words," she says.

"This makes learning so much more interesting, and the result was that I eventually became a teacher for about 20 high-schoolers back in Russia.

It was a lot of fun, and the students never seemed to miss class!"

No, I bet they didn't. Hardly surprising!

Though she never planned on becoming an internet celebrity, Marina says it just happened. One day, she received an email that inspired her to reach out to new students, via the web.

"My two degrees in philology were going to waste and one day in 2006 a friend sent me an email which said ‘YouTube.com - check it out.’ That email changed my life! I immediately created a channel and started uploading videos."

The rest as they say... is history... as now, her videos have been viewed over 170 million times!!

With a new word each week, her virtual classroom grows daily. Her calendar girl good looks and intelligence have granted her quite an audience, but given the choice... would she rather be pretty or smart? "I'd rather be smart!" she says.

Yes Marina... quite right... me too!!

Call me an old cynic... and I really don't want to spoil any of the fun... but come on guys... I'm as red blooded as you... and there's no doubting the fact that Marina is delicious and sexy (and quite amusing too)... but you just got to see through this!! This is just a different (and clever granted) take on an age old idea... a new perspective in offering us red blooded males (with perhaps more money than brains)... SEXY ladies in the media!!

I bet my bottom dollar (not sure if that's a well chosen phrase) that Marina is not the only one 'behind' HotForWords... there's a hell of a lot more going on in that background... believe me... including a few clever techie geeks and marketing people!

But... do I care? Not a bit... in fact, I take my hat off to Marina today... for maximising her very obvious potential... and very attractive upfront future... in fact... I've joined 6,843 others and am now following her updates on Twitter... we don't want to miss our weekly dose of interesting etymology now do we??!

I take my hat off to... The Girl Who Silenced The World For 6 Minutes

Today, I'd like to take my hat off to this highly eloquent Canadian teenager!

Her cry from the heart was made 16 years ago, at the United Nations Conference on Environment and Development.

The Conference is also known as the Rio Summit, Earth Summit (or, in Portuguese, Eco '92), a major conference focusing on environmental issues which was held in Rio de Janeiro in June 1992. the UN international Environmental Conference.

Whilst she certainly silenced this UN Conference... one has to ask... did anybody really listen?

This girl's message is one that's unfortunately still not been heard enough... and 16 years on still resonates loudly!

I'm also wondering what happened to this young lady (who must now be in her early 30's)... and what she might have to say today... about our continuing and much increased concerns over our environment... and of course the other global issues she raised?

Smithy tells England footie stars... what we always wanted to say

This was one of the best sketches on 'Red Nose Day' on the Beeb on Friday night.

Gavin and Stacey's 'Smithy' (James Corden) stumbled upon members of the England football squad whilst working on a plumbing job at their team hotel.

The charismatic handyman quickly takes the opportunity to deliver a unique team talk in order to inspire the players.

The England team players, John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, David Beckham, David James, Peter Crouch, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard and Michael Carrick... all benefit from Smithy's undoubted wisdom... and tells them what we all probably would have loved to scream at them on many occasions!

Watch out for Beckham... who can't contain his laughter!

If you missed it on the day... you can still make a donation to Red Nose Day!

The Pogues' 'Irish Rover' and memories of Murphy's Bar Gibraltar

I was trawling around YouTube this afternoon looking up some stuff when I came across this fantastic video of The Pogues and 'The Irish Rover'!

This song was a massive hit for The Pogues in 1987 when they recorded it with The Dubliners and used to be played regularly at Murphy's Bar in Gibraltar.

Apart from the fact this is a brilliant Irish song, it's a great example of The Pogues wonderful mix of traditional Irish music, punk rock and jazz.

For me, the song also has a very nostalgic resonance as it brings back some great memories of many a crazy night (and of many dear friends) at Murphy's Bar (and the Aragon Bar earlier) during my time in Gibraltar around the late 90's and early 2000's. Here's a pic (left) of Jean and Grace (two of the 'Murphy Sisters') behind the bar at Murphy's.

Anyhow... here's The Pogues and The Dubliners, giving it some wellie! I hope you enjoy the song... it may strike a chord with you too:

Lyrics

Here's this version's lyrics:

On the Fourth of July, 1806
We set sail from the sweet cove of Cork
We were sailing away with a cargo of bricks
For the Grand City Hall in New York
'Twas a wonderful craft
She was rigged fore and aft
And oh, how the wild wind drove her
She stood several blasts
She had twenty seven masts
And they called her The Irish Rover

We had one million bags of the best Sligo rags
We had two million barrels of stone
We had three million sides of old blind horses hides
We had four million barrels of bones
We had five million hogs
And six million dogs
Seven million barrels of porter
We had eight million bails of old nanny-goats' tails
In the hold of the Irish Rover

There was awl Mickey Coote
Who played hard on his flute
When the ladies lined up for a set
He was tootin' with skill
For each sparkling quadrille
Though the dancers were fluther'd and bet
With his smart witty talk
He was cock of the walk
And he rolled the dames under and over
They all knew at a glance
When he took up his stance
That he sailed in The Irish Rover

There was Barney McGee
From the banks of the Lee
There was Hogan from County Tyrone
There was Johnny McGurk
Who was scared stiff of work
And a man from Westmeath called Malone

There was Slugger O'Toole
Who was drunk as a rule
And Fighting Bill Treacy from Dover
And your man, Mick MacCann
From the banks of the Bann
Was the skipper of the Irish Rover

For a sailor it's always a bother in life
It's so lonesome by night and by day
'Til he launch for the shore and this
charming young whore
Who will melt all his troubles away
All the noise and the rout
Swollen poitín and stout
For him soon the torment's over
Of the love of a maid he's never afraid
And old sot from the Irish Rover

We had sailed seven years
When the measles broke out
And the ship lost its way in the fog
And that whale of a crew
Was reduced down to two
Just myself and the Captain's old dog
Then the ship struck a rock
Oh Lord! what a shock
The bulkhead was turned right over
It turned nine times around and the
poor old dog was drowned
I'm the last of the Irish Rover

More info on Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: The Pogues - The Irish Rover

Princess Royal says her farewells to Gibraltar

The Princess Royal’s three-day visit to Gibraltar ended today with warm farewells and a Guard of Honour 'March Past' at RAF Gibraltar, all in bright sunshine, in contrast to the two previous days of her official visit.

Her Royal Highness Princess Anne spent her last hours in Gibraltar touring the Government of Gibraltar’s new development of low-cost housing before calling in at a school for children with special needs.

Gibraltarians Applaud their Warm Greetings for Princess Anne

Reporting on yesterday's activities, Alice Mascarenhas, in the Gibraltar Chronicle, spoke of the "warm and cheerful welcome" the Princess Royal received, as she arrived at the hub of the Rock’s social life.

Dark clouds and a slight drizzle had threatened to spoil her arrival but as if on cue, when greeted by Chief Minister Peter Caruana in the Market Place, the sun appeared from behind the clouds and brightened up her arrival.

Suddenly, what seconds before had appeared to be a rather quiet Grand Casemates, a burst of cheer and applause brought people running as hundreds of Gibraltarians and visitors gathered to see Princess Anne 'up close and personal' walking through Grand Casemates Gates into the old city.

With no cordon to hold the crowds back everyone wanted a picture of her. There were cameras everywhere, and it wasn’t just the press photographers!

In the middle of great anticipation and thrill, she moved out of Grand Casemates into Main Street with her husband Vice Admiral Timothy Laurence, and Mr and Mrs Caruana. Her entourage and her security followed as the crowds walked on with her. It was almost a wave-like mass of people, some holding Union Jacks and Gibraltar flags, all gathering momentum as the throng reached the heart of our community, at the Piazza and Parliament House (the old House of Assembly).

Princess Anne Delighted

Mr Caruana was in no doubt the Princess Royal had been delighted by the reception and that she was keen to meet as many people as possible en route.

Smiling broadly, Mr Caruana excitedly said:

"This is the way of Gibraltarians... not just welcoming an important Royal visitor but under-scoring the fact that we are part of Her Majesty’s Realm, that this is British Sovereign territory and one of the ways in which this is reinforced!"

As the Royal Party slowly walked up Main Street stopping every few seconds, Mr Caruana, pointed out the architecture, the commerce, the variety of commercial offerings, the number of people in Gibraltar from so many different countries, and the cosmopolitan make-up of local society.

The Chief Minister, commenting later, said he felt "she had been touched by the warmth of her welcome and had been impressed at how vibrant Main Street appeared".

Commenting on the calls for Her Majesty The Queen to visit Gibraltar, Mr Caruana said:

"A visit from Her Majesty The Queen would be very welcomed but I understand, like many Gibraltarians, much as we would like her to visit, such a visit would be fraught in political terms.

It is not her Majesty who decides. Constitutionally she is unable to visit outside the UK unless she is advised by the Foreign Office. It is all deep in politics."

The walk through Main Street was to upset the programme timings for the rest of the day as the Princess Royal went out of her way to talk to those who had lined the street on both sides of Main Street.

She received flowers from well wishers along the way which she carried in her hand through the continuation of the walk on arrival at The Convent. She briefly stopped with mothers and their babies.

Bethany Chichon (aged two) dressed up like a Princess herself was greeted by her.

An elderly gentleman sitting with his dog on one of the benches at the bottom end of Main Street was asked about his dog.

Young Faith Purser presented Princess Anne with a carnation.

Cheering Crowds

People from offices hung from windows and balconies, shouting their 'welcomes' to her with heartening applause and cheers.

Shopping was stopped temporarily in every shop as shop assistants and shoppers made their way on to the street to catch a glimpse of the Royal Party.

Many commented with delight and amazement, how the Princess was "talking to everyone" and how "she is taking the time to stop and chat"... as were the calls for Her Majesty The Queen to visit The Rock amidst shouts of "God Bless British Gibraltar"!

To the girls outside Jyske Bank and Barclays, Princess Anne asked, "are you actually getting any customers?".

There were day visitors from Liverpool and a group participating in a Netball Tournament in Gibraltar, who could not believe their luck!

King’s Bastion Leisure Centre

A short stop at The Convent and it was on to the King’s Bastion Leisure Centre. On the red carpet once again escorted by the Chief Minister, she met school children from local schools, representatives from the Guides and Scouts Movement.

Princess Anne was keen to know if they used the leisure centre and if they had a favourite game telling some of the children who had insisted on enjoying bowling that she was a bit of a bowler herself.

The Chief Minister then proudly showed her the King’s Bastion project pointing out how much had been achieved, in terms of the heritage value of the building.

Joining the party was Heritage Minister Edwin Reyes, and Carl Viagas, the Government’s Conservation Officer.

Over-looking the Bastion she looked out towards the designated area for the Midtown Development Project.

Soon it was back inside for a reception with a good cross section of Gibraltar life represented.



This excellent video shows some of the scenes in Main Street 'walkabout' described above.

Farewell Royal Princess

This morning, on her departure, a Tri-Service guard of honour formed up at RAF Gibraltar as she and Vice Admiral Laurence said their farewells to His Excellency the Governor, Lt Gen Sir Robert Fulton, the Chief Minister Peter Caruana and other VIPs.

The tarmac at RAF Gibraltar was colourfully adorned with waving Union Jacks as the Guard of Honour marched past. The Royal Gibraltar Regiment Band then played the National Anthem prior to the Princess Royal party's embarkation on their aircraft.

As Princess Anne climbed the steps of the Bae 146 of No 32 (The Royal) Squadron, in advance of her flight back to UK, she turned and waved to the gathered troops, dignitaries and crowds at the terminal, in a fond farewell to her highly successful three day visit to Gibraltar.

Media Credit

I am indebted to the following for the media included here:

Princess Anne's Main Street 'Walkabout' - Pictures and Video courtesy of ToRoMedia Gibraltar

RAF Gibraltar Pictures courtesy of Lt Col (Ret'd) Stuart Green, Media Ops Officer and Cpl Ralph Merry, Command Photographer, Media Operations - HQ British Forces Gibraltar.

Thank you all!

Mandy gets 'guacamole' facial

Environmental protester, Leila Deen, attacked Peter Mandelson, the Business Secretary, this morning... by throwing what appeared to be guacamole in his face.



Very funny! But... was it guacamole, green custard or Prescott's mushy peas left overs... or something else... possibly instigated by our Ken??

I love the way she just casually walks away with her cup in hand!

Here's Mandelson... commenting after he got cleaned up:



I must say our Mandy's reactions are very composed, dignified, even humorous. In similar circumstance, I doubt whether my reactions would have been so calm... and Prescott... would have probably 'bopped' her!

On a serious note though, the question of security of Ministers must be raised! How can someone get to do this so easily?? Amusing... but very questionable for the security services!

Now... who would you like to do this to... in Gibraltar?? Answers on a postcard please... or preferably, comment below:

Heineken... for wardrobe lovers

Have you seen the new Heineken commercial? I just came across it... very funny!



I'm no lager man... more a real ale type... but that video really makes one feel like having one of those... right?

Whose Gibraltar? A documentary film on the Llanito Gibraltarian perspective

A few days ago I posted about a Gibraltar Documentary Film project that Garrett Wesley Gibbons, of Brigham Young University in the USA, was in the process of putting together.

To my surprise... and I must say, a lot sooner than I ever expected, I heard from Garrett today, telling me that his film has now been posted!

Garrett has kindly posted his film with the proviso that you understand it is still 'a work in progress'. The film, as yet, has no music and is not fully 'titled'. I am, however, very pleased to share it with you all here... for you to enjoy and in the hope that you offer Garrett your comments and reviews on his draft, (my comments below).

Anyhow... here's the film... for your delight and delectation:



Well, I don't know about you, but I thought this is an excellent documentary... I really enjoyed it... lack of music or finished 'title's notwithstanding!

Gibraltar Film Documentary Reviewed.

On the whole, I think Garrett has done a great job so far. He has produced a very accurate perspective, from a Gibraltarian viewpoint, about the Llanito identity. With, what I understand were difficult time constraints, he has managed to describe the history and particularly the political aspects challenging Gibraltar today, relatively well, if perhaps not as broadly as I would have liked to see.

Personally, I would like to see some more comment, especially from the other political parties in Gibraltar.

As it stands... the only political view expressed, other than those of my friend Dennis Beiso's, the Gibraltar Government Archivist, (who, I must say, does a very good job in his summaries), are those of the GSLP/Liberals Opposition parties. This, I think, is not a broad enough perspective.

The politics of Gibraltar always raises great passions in many quarters... not least in Gibraltar itself, naturally, and many have an opinion of where we came from, where we are... and most importantly, where we are going. For this documentary to be fully comprehensive, I think it is important that it shows a broader inclusive view, from all sides.

It is important, in my humble view, that there is at least some comment by the incumbent GSD (Gibraltar Social Democrats) Government, particularly from Chief Minister Peter Caruana.

I asked whether the Government was given the opportunity to participate in the documentary. Garrett has answered this and a number of other questions here.

I would also like to see some comment from Keith Azopardi and the Progressive Democratic Party.

Of course, if one is going to (unrestrictedly) endeavour to have the broadest perspective, no commentary on the politics of Gibraltar can ever be complete, without the participation of the British or Spanish Governments' views on the age old question of sovereignty of Gibraltar. After all... it's the nub of the whole damn historic dispute right?

In fairness to Garrett, I think we need to bear in mind he has produced this film as a school project. It's not a 'BBC Panorama' type documentary... or intended to be a comprehensive history on Gibraltar. It's just his perspective... on the curiosity that is being a Gibraltarian Llanito. People need to judge this film in that context... as it does not propose to do anything else.

Be that as it may, and appreciating the producer's obvious time (and other possible) constraints... recognising that he couldn't fit it all in, I think the political perspective the documentary offers, is fair and broadly that held by most Gibraltarians. No doubt I shall soon be corrected by those who feel this is not so! :)

My Conclusion

I think this is a very well produced piece of work so far. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it and I think most Gibraltarians (possibly with the exception of fanatical GSD supporters, who may hate the sight of 'the Walrus' and cannot abide the sound of 'the pipsqueak'), will also enjoy watching this documentary.

Gibraltarians just love watching ourselves. Sometimes I think we must have ALL been born under the starsign of Leo... "all Leos are trendsetters, leaders and adventurers. Their weakness is their pride. This is one sign where the saying 'flattery will get you everything' applies"!

But seriously... with the slight constructive criticism about broader perspectives notwithstanding, I doff my hat to Garrett... and thank him for his interest and for a very well researched and explained documentary about our homeland!

One final point I would like to make. The music, as ever, may well enhance or detract from the power of the film so care will need to be taken on the choice of music and how it is edited... but, on the other hand... what do I know of producing a film!? Not a lot! :)

Having said that... and finally... finally... on reviewing Garrett's very interesting documentary, having offered him my thoughts, I have also taken the opportunity to offer a couple of little suggestions, small amendments for him to consider making. These can be seen on the Gibraltar Documentary page posted by Garrett Wesley Gibbons on Vimeo.

You may have your own thoughts you might want to add? I know Garrett will be very grateful for your comments and feedback too!

You may also like to know there is a discussion on this film going on at Gibraltar News Online's Discussion Forum here: Gibraltar Film Documentary just published

If you missed the link in the review above, you may also enjoy further reading about this documentary and Garrett's explanation of the how and why he created this film: Gibraltar Film Documentary > Why?

I take my hat off to... Geoff Dornan

Today I take my hat off to... Geoff Dornan!

Geoff Dornan is a 71 year old resident of Ormskirk in Lancashire.

Yesterday, Geoff was, sadly, found guilty on two counts... of dangerous skating!!!

At North Sefton Magistrates yesterday, the court was shown CCTV footage of Geoff rollerblading down the main street of Southport in Merseyside.



An earlier hearing this month had been adjourned awaiting further CCTV evidence but unfortunately yesterday, the court was shown the CCTV pictures of the sprightly septuagenerian skating through Chapel Street, the main shopping centre of Southport and he was convicted. He was found guilty on two counts of breaching a by-law but has since lodged an appeal.

Reporting on the case, the Mail Online (yes I know... I do read it sometimes!) said that whilst most active pensioners prefer a brisk walk in the open air as a way of taking some exercise, Geoff prefers to travel a little faster, which is the reason why he can regulary be seen tearing around on a pair of roller blades! He said he likes to rollerblade to keep fit.

Unfortunately for him... not everyone agreed and his life in the fast lane landed the 71-year-old daredevil in trouble with the law and he was hauled before the courts after Sefton Council said his rollerblading was a nuisance and a danger to the public.

Yesterday the retired youth worker was dismayed after magistrates found him guilty of endangering pedestrians by rollerblading in a busy town centre and handed a fine of £300 and court costs of almost £1,800.

Last night the father-of-three vowed to take the case to appeal. Outside court, he said:

"Because I am on skates I'm more manoeuvrable than somebody in shoes.

The last time I was bumped into by somebody else I was in shoes. I'm not saying things can't go wrong. I don't accept this premise that skating is inherently dangerous.

I'm deeply disappointed but I accept the verdicts. Having said that, I intend to appeal. In seven-and-a-half years I have not harmed anyone at all!"

Geoff told the court he was always very careful to avoid pedestrians and only rollerbladed to keep up his general level of fitness.

Following his conviction yesterday, Geoff told reporters his health had suffered since his skates were confiscated.

You can see more reaction from Geoff here.



I take my hat off to Geoff Dornan... would that we all had his spirit and fitness at his age!

Anyone who wants to support Geoff Dornan (1,400 of you already do... yaay!) can do so on this Facebook group: Support Geoff Dornan

Good on yer mate! Sefton Council (and all who found cause for complaint) must be a sad bunch!